


The Leftover Embers

by Sutera Tsuki (Fanschaotictrash)



Series: Tales of a Weathered City [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anime, Behind the Scenes, Drama, Emotional, Manipulation, Multi, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Omniscient, couples, side characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28520586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanschaotictrash/pseuds/Sutera%20Tsuki
Summary: A look at what the other characters are doing in the fanfiction Burning Yellow With Black Smoke during or in between chapters. Just small snippets that are written when I get ideas for them.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Vorona, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Ryuugamine Mikado/Sonohara Anri
Series: Tales of a Weathered City [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086710
Kudos: 3





	1. Obscure Ash

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Burning Yellow With Black Smoke](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155183) by [Sutera Tsuki (Fanschaotictrash)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanschaotictrash/pseuds/Sutera%20Tsuki). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celty tries to overcome her guilt for leaving Masaomi at Izaya's, but she can't help but wonder what goes on behind closed doors. Takes place shortly after chapter seven.

Celty opened the door to their apartment and they both piled in, exhausted from their recent visit to Izaya’s.

 _Izaya was acting, weird, well, weirder than usual, don’t you think?_ Celty asked as they wandered inside.

“Yeah, maybe, though I can sort of understand his logic for acting that way,” Shinra said, collapsing on a chair in the dining room.

 _Really? Is he trying to get on Masaomi’s good side again?_ Celty pondered as she sat down across from him.

“Not exactly. It’s more like, he’s finally being faced with the fragility of humans and he doesn’t know what to do with it,” he explained, biting his lip in thought. “How do I explain this? It isn’t like the concept is completely foreign to him, he’s just never had to deal with it fully. He can always just walk away or lie about his involvement. Yet, with Masaomi, he’s around all the time. He can’t do all the things he’s used to doing because Masaomi might just crumble. With a sensitive leg and new cane he has to get used to, he’s the human embodiment of humanity pushed too far.”

_So, basically, it’s just completely new territory for him?_

“Precisely! Not to mention how much he enjoys messing with certain people. From what I understand, Masaomi has been controlled by Izaya a lot and I doubt he’d just throw that away. It’s like...watching your favorite toy get swept away by the rain. Even if you don’t take the best care of them, are you really just going to let it fall into the gutter and disappear forever?”

 _I get it. It’s a conflict of interest. If he does what he usually does without caring Masaomi would just fall apart, but if he does care he doesn’t get to have nearly as much fun,_ Celty said, shuddering. 

_Thinking about it is just giving me chills. I hope we did the right thing by leaving him there._

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s a tough kid after all. Most people wouldn’t last one day staying with Izaya yet he keeps getting better and better. Not to mention, every time I leave I let him know he can call me if he has any issues, but he hasn’t called me even once. He’s highly independent and stubborn, I don’t think Izaya will be able to crack him as easily as he hopes,” Shinra assured her, reaching over and grasping her hand. She would have smiled and blushed if she had a face. 

_I know, but he seemed so unsure when we left. I can’t get it out of my head. I wanted to just...I don’t know, scoop him up and drive away with him._

“Ah, so you do have motherly instincts! You’re just over worrying. If anything happened I’m sure he’d tell Mikado or Anri and, besides, if it went too far I’d stage an intervention. Trust me.” She stared at him for a moment, then nodded.

 _Alright, but I want to keep in touch with him. Even if I’m busy, just checking in every once in a while would help me feel better,_ she decided.

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug and kind smile.

Yet still, even though she had a plan, she couldn’t help but worry that night. She stared up at the ceiling and wondered if, across the city, he was awake and worrying too. What bothered her the most, however, was her next thought; in the same room as Masaomi or just a floor above, perhaps the info broker was awake too, scheming and _smiling_.


	2. Overblown Chimney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dotachin realizes something is up with Izaya and Masaomi, though he isn't entirely sure what. He worries Izaya is up to the same tricks again, but what can he do? Takes place near the beginning of chapter 12.

The male watched Masaomi disappear in the distance, the van driving steadily forward, before speaking, his gaze switching to Izaya in the rearview mirror.

“You and Masaomi have gotten awful chummy,” Dotachin said as if it just now occurred to him, though Masaomi has been acting strangely for a while now.

“Oh, is that what you think?” Izaya shot back, but Dotachin wasn’t quick to anger, so he just smiled in mild exasperation. Izaya was never the type to give a straight answer, so he’d just have to fill in the blanks. 

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing,” he said, though he very well had, “It just stuck out to me. I mean, you guys had a huge falling out back when, so it’s surprising.”

“Yes, well, the circumstances have changed. We both benefit from getting along, for now, that’s all,” Izaya said, resting his head back as he stared at nothing in particular. He decided not to push him, after all, even if Izaya was a complete snake in his eyes, he wouldn’t wish what he was going through on anyone. His focus shifted on the road. Dotachin knew the Blue Squares were out to get Masaomi but, his knowledge was limited. It didn’t surprise him Izaya was involved though and up to his same old tricks. 

Dotachin tapped on the dash in annoyance. He really hated that Izaya was sneaking around in the background with Masaomi again. He was just recovering from his second bout of depression and the poor kid didn’t deserve another. He technically wasn’t a kid anymore, but Dotachin would always view him as a younger brother and that didn’t change his opinion. Well, what could he do about it? If Izaya really was messing with Masaomi, he was certain Anri or Mikado could pull him out of it. They always had. He could ask Masaomi about it but he’d prefer not to put him on the spot. Dotachin wasn’t one to meddle unless a situation happened right in front of his eyes and he wasn’t much of a talker either. If some dude asked him to a fistfight to settle a score, he could do that no problem, but the affairs of people like Izaya and Masaomi were completely out of his control. He’d just sit back and hope things worked out. He’d offer advice if Masaomi asked because he’d always be there for him, but interfering more would only make it worse. He looked up at the ceiling of the van and Saburo gave him a curious look. Things were about to turn for the worse and he could just feel it. As long as it wasn’t like last time, the city could recover. He’d just have to wait and see.


	3. When Flames Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after the dramatic events of chapter 12. As Shizuo and Vorona walk away from the ruined plaza, Shizuo ponders the strange things Mikado said. Is the flea back to his nonsense again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a long time ago, but it's finally here! I hope you all enjoy!

“What is on mind?” Vorona asked Shizuo, putting her hand gently on his arm as they walked along the dark streets of Ikebukuro, the smell of smoke strong in the distance. Shizuo was grumbling to himself, his thoughts banging in his head like a cellphone that just wouldn’t shut up. His veins were practically popping out of his head in annoyance, yet Vorona’s touch calmed him.

“It’s just, before shit really went down, Mikado was saying some weird things about Izaya,” he said.

“You mean flea, yes?” she joked and he laughed. She always managed to make him laugh, regardless of how angry he felt. He always managed to make her wear a playful but harmless grin whenever she talked to him. Yes, regardless of how messed up the previous events had been, the two always managed to forget all the horrible things when they were together, not that _violence_ could deter either. 

“Yeah.”

“Like what?” she asked curiously, her bright purples eyes glowing like comets in the dim light. Her light appearance really shined in this dark city, or maybe Shizuo was just biased.

“He said Izaya was Masaomi’s weakness or something. What the Hell is that supposed to mean? It has my head messed up,” he explained, massaging his temples. That Mikado, he was friends with Celty, he knew that, but he reminded him of the info broker and that disturbed him. He couldn’t help but think he and Izaya were playing tag-team with Masaomi in some way. He just wanted to smack the stupid smirks off both their faces, but he was trying his best not to do that anymore. After all, if he went all out again, he wasn’t sure he could stop himself. The thought of killing the kid Mikado made him sick to his stomach. But he’d be damned if he let either get away with hurting the poor young man. 

“Emotional weakness, most likely. Would be cause for kidnapping,” she suggested coolly. They were fire and ice in the functional way. Shizuo encouraged Vorona to be more gentle and kind, Vorona encouraged Shizuo to keep a cool head and think rationally. It was no wonder they constantly gravitated toward each other.

“But that doesn’t make any sense! When did those get so close?” he asked. The info broker had been quiet for a year, for a long while Shizuo had hoped it would stay that way. He wasn’t the optimistic type, it wasn’t as if he expected the man to change, he had just hoped everyone he knew would be left alone. “Dammit!” Vorona was lost in thought, considering this. 

“Personalities do not seem to match. Unclear. May be manipulation from flea,” she said. 

“That’s what I was just thinking. That Mikado might be involved too. He gives me bad vibes. Is it just me?”

“No, boy is strange. Acts like snake, yes?” she said and he nodded.

“Yeah, okay. I’m not going crazy then,” he said, grunting in annoyance. He still had no clue what he could do about it. He looked to the sky, as if the bastard was there, clenching his fist. “You don’t have to do this, man,” he kept saying to the imaginary smirking scumbag in his mind’s eye. “Don’t make the same mistakes you did two years ago, just leave it alone.”

Vorona seemed to let him have this little monologue before speaking, hand placed on one of his fists supportively. 

“Will be fine. Yellow-haired one is strong. No need to worry,” she told him, squeezing his hand, which relaxed and unfurled. 

“Hm,” he murmured simply, supposing she was right, but it still didn’t sit right with him. He took in a breath of the polluted air. It was starting to smell like shit around here again.


	4. Parting The Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter thirteen, showing the half of Shinra and Celty's conversation Masaomi didn't hear/see. Shinra reports his findings to Celty and tries to settle her worries.

“So, what were you two talking about that got you so riled up?” Shinra asked, going to fill up a mug with water. He acted perfectly serene but truthfully, he was a bit stressed. Izaya really could be a pain to deal with, but he was his friend, at the end of the day. He could put up with anything if it meant getting closer to bringing peace to his life. He swooshed the now filled mug thoughtfully before sitting down next to Celty and looking at her phone.

 _Izaya. Masaomi told me about the way he's treating him versus the way he treats me. Apparently, he only acts like a slim ball around me. It has us both a little bit worried,_ Celty explained. He flinched. Izaya was getting to everyone today, it seemed. Still, he kept his head for the woman he loved. He wouldn’t want her worrying over anything.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it. You know how Izaya is, always finding people’s weaknesses and exploiting them.” He ran his fingers around the rim of his cup a few times. Shinra had learned a long time ago that Izaya’s forms of expression were all scrambled. Most of the time, when he acted as if he hated someone, yelling at them or teasing their most vulnerable exploits, he actually liked them quite a bit, he was just too afraid to admit it. Meanwhile, if he was heavily flirting with someone or putting on his sweet and innocent act, he either despised them or wanted to use them for something. Barely anyone caught onto this and he couldn’t blame Masaomi for being so confused.

 _That's what makes me worry. With Masaomi feeling the way he is, what if Izaya does something? Masaomi makes it sound like he respects his boundaries but, I don't trust him,_ she confessed. He forced down a laugh. Izaya didn’t respect _anyone’s_ boundaries, and yet...

“Does something? Like, convinces him into doing something sensitive and personal by pretending to share in his feelings or claiming it’s not a big deal? Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past him, but it’s not as if he would do anything without his consent. Izaya doesn’t enjoy getting his hands dirty,” he informed her, knowing exactly what she was thinking. People often painted Izaya as worse than he was. Lots of people saw a destructive monster that meticulously tried to destroy everything around him, Shinra just saw a cat that hissed and scratched everyone when it didn’t get what it wanted. Scary, yes, but petty and childish too.

_Exactly! So I worry about taking him back there. I know I worried before but, it feels even more wrong now._

He tapped his chin thoughtfully, the shower, which Masaomi had just turned on, becoming the white noise in the background. He wondered if he should tell Celty what he had discovered, or if it’d only make her worry more.

“Hey, I promised so, I should probably tell you what I talked to Izaya about,” he said, to her surprise. 

_Okay, I’m all ears._

“Promise not to get mad, but, I asked Izaya to be my friend again,” he said, a tense silence falling. He had opted not to look at Celty, instead, staring ahead at the recently cleaned sink and taking a sip of his water. “I know you don’t understand. I’m obviously still mad at him for what he did to you, I even asked him to apologize and you’ll always come first for me. Still, we’ve known each other for years and I’m concerned for him.” He finally looked at Celty, who was shaking slightly but managed to settle.

 _What did he say?_ She asked.

“He refused and told me off. Figures, I haven’t given up yet though!” he said with confidence. Celty didn’t understand Izaya enough to support his efforts, he knew, but that didn’t bother him.

 _I’m not sure what you’re expecting to happen but, if that’s what you really want, I’ll support you,_ she said, now if only she could have that attitude with Masaomi, he thought. 

“Thanks, Celty, you’re the sweetest,” he said, beaming at her.

“More importantly though, I asked him about Masaomi,” he said, becoming more serious, which immediately caught his lover’s interest. 

_Really? Did he say anything important? Let him in on your plans, even a little?_ Shinra bit his lip, tilting his head.

“How do I put this? He wasn’t direct about it but, well, in a way, I think Masaomi is really important to him,” he said vaguely. She stared at him for a minute.

 _Huh!?_ She exclaimed and he chuckled.

“Just...hear me out. We both think he’s been acting strangely and treats Masaomi differently, right? When I pointed this out to him he didn’t have a good answer for me and got all defensive. You see where I’m going, right? Izaya has always been horrible at admitting his feelings, so when he acts all flustered like that, I can’t help but think…” Celty typed quickly.

 _Wait hold on, back up, what do you mean by “important” exactly? Don’t tell me you’re implying what I think you’re implying._ He offered her a smile.

“Even I don’t know what I’m implying, if I’m being honest. Izaya has always been difficult to read and tends to hide his true range of emotions. What I do know, however, is that Izaya does _care_ for Masaomi, in a way. Masaomi also wants to stay around him, clearly,” he said with a slight smirk. He wasn’t judging him, obviously, nor would he really discourage him from pursuing his feelings. If anything, he encouraged it, forcing them down was worse. When it came to love and desire, he rarely saw any boundaries. “I don’t see any reason to get in between them right now.”

_Don’t see_ ** _any_** _reason! You just said Izaya might...do something. How can we let that happen?_ She said, her hands trembling and it warmed his heart. Celty really was the most kindhearted person he knew.

“Yeah, but if he cares about Masaomi, well, it’d be all in good fun then. I just don’t see the same danger you do,” he admitted calmly, knowing it would freak her out and preparing to mediate things. A dramatic puff of smoke came from her neck

 _This is_ **_Izaya_** _we’re talking about! Manipulative, sleazeball Izaya. Care or not he’s still dangerous! Hell, what does “caring” even look like to him? It might mean he’s even worse!_

“Didn’t you see him in the hospital? Comforting him when he became too upset, suddenly backing off when he cried? He’s uncharacteristically gentle with him, so it’ll be fine. Besides, if anything _does_ happen, we’ll be ready for it,” he said and she gripped onto her phone. He reached over, placing his hand softly on hers. “I assure you, everything is going to be fine.”

They looked at each other and both frowned (more of, he knew Celty did), when they heard it. It started out quiet at first, a small whimper that could have just been a squeaky faucet or door, then progressively became louder and louder. It was the sound of sobbing. Izaya _really_ was bothering _everyone_ today. Celty stood almost instantly, turning to make her way over to the bathroom but he stopped her, grabbing onto her arm. She looked back at him and he shook his head. “Let him get it out. He might not be comfortable enough to do that with Izaya.” It wasn’t that it didn’t upset him, he simply realized from his own interactions with him and what he had heard from Celty, that Masaomi was the type to usually suppress his emotions. He would hate to interrupt him just to make him retreat inside himself once more. He could cheer him up after he let it _all_ out. She hesitated then nodded, sitting back down and he let her go. They sat here grimly, listening for a moment before Celty talked again.

 _Are you going to tell him?_ She asked. 

“Some things are better discovered on your own. Plus, Izaya can be scarily turbulent when people can read him well. It’d be better not to burden Masaomi with that,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand and she fell silent, phone still clutched in her hands. There was much more the doctor could have said, such as, “don’t worry, he’s sharper than you think”, or “you can talk it out with him when he gets out”, but, in the end, he fell silent, leaving her to her thoughts. He knew better than to push her too much and would instead _listen_. After all, her smoke told its own story and he watched in adoration as it rose higher and higher, lightly brushing against the ceiling, not leaving a single trace.


	5. Smoke Signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking place during chapter fifteen, Anri, leaving Mikado's apartment for space, retreats to Celty's looking for advice. What she might find instead is the terrifying truth.

Celty wasn’t completely sure what to feel anymore. Things had been peaceful for a year and she’d grown a nice, quiet life with new friends. Then, with little to no warning, the Blue Squares and Izaya stepped into the picture and things became all warped. She wanted to trust Shinra, but she felt as if she had handed her friend over for the slaughter and now, even Anri and Mikado were suffering. She was certain it couldn’t be a coincidence. She sat at the table, a mug of hot chocolate in her hand, sniffling. She had called Celty on the phone that morning, crying, saying something about Mikado but she couldn’t quite make out the words. She went over right away and brought Anri back to her apartment. She sobbed for a long time and Celty did her best to comfort the girl. 

She waited for her to calm down, hand reaching over the table and resting on her good arm, her other still in a sling, before asking any questions.

_ Did you and Mikado get into a fight?  _ She finally asked and Anri nodded.  _ What about? _

“I-it was about Masaomi. That night, at the hospital, I wanted to take him back with us, get him out of that Hell with Izaya, but Mikado...he just refused!” she said, gripping onto her long black skirt. “All three of us being back together, supporting each other, I thought he’d want that too. I have no idea what’s up with him but he’s acting strange again and it scares me.” She thought for a moment, considering. She looked around for the familiar lab-coated figure before speaking, leaning over the table as she closely showed Anri her phone. She knew for a fact he was away at work but, she wanted to be certain.

_ If I’m being honest, Shinra’s been weird too. Just the other day he was saying some strange things about Masaomi and Izaya.  _

“Strange things?” Anri asked in a quiet voice. Celty hesitated, tapping the table lightly for a moment. 

_ There’s something Masaomi hasn’t been telling you and I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything,  _ Celty said and Anri quickly grabbed onto her hands, causing her to look up in surprise. Anri bit her lip, eyebrows furrowing.

“I know it’s wrong but, tell me, please. I know Mikado and Masaomi won’t, they never tell me anything,” she begged, then, “I don’t want things to get as bad as they used to be. We all waited and waited and that caused us to go behind each other’s backs constantly. Mikado is already off doing something and I need to know what,  _ now _ .” Celty could tell by the look in her eyes that she was determined.

As much as she wanted to remain loyal to Masaomi, she knew Anri was right. She had kept all their secrets in a treasure cove and, in the end, it hadn’t helped any of them. If she could change anything about her past, it would be that. She sighed silently in resignation. 

_ I see your point. Okay, I’ll tell you, but promise not to freak out, alright?  _ She said, though she wasn’t sure if that was possible. Anri simply nodded.  _ How should I put this? I think Izaya has really gotten into Masaomi’s head. The last time I talked to him he didn’t seem mentally well.  _ She flinched, her face contorting in concern.

“Oh, what was wrong with him exactly?” She asked. The smoke coming from Celty’s head fizzled nervously.

_ He...he said he had  _ **_feelings_ ** _ for Izaya,  _ she explained and Anri’s eyes widened, her glasses nearly falling off her face.

“What!” she exclaimed, utterly bewildered. The dullahan couldn’t blame her, it sounded like some kind of cruel joke, one the informant would definitely tell. 

_ I know, it was a shock for me too. We…. _ **_I_ ** _ think he has Stockholm syndrome.  _ Anri nodded slowly, digesting this.  _ He’s worried people will hate him for it, that’s why he didn’t tell you. Well, he probably didn’t want to concern you either.  _ The girl put her hand on her heart sympathetically.

“He must be so scared right now,” she said, expression panicked as she possibly imagined whatever Izaya could have done to make the boy feel that way. Her eyes glowed red in irritation, but that never scared Celty. The dullahan nodded eagerly.

_ Exactly! That’s what I think too. I’ve been so worried for him!  _ She was sure he had been taking advantage of his feelings for some sick kind of pleasure but, she didn’t want to mention that to Anri.  _ You’re not the only one that tried to take him from the hospital,  _ she said and Anri’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Really? Why didn’t you?” she asked and, while Celty knew the girl meant no harm, a pang of guilt struck her chest hard.

_ If I’m being honest, Shinra is the one that talked me out of it. What he said was the weird things I referenced earlier. He kept talking about Izaya and how he thinks he cares about Masaomi. He acts as if he wanted to be Masaomi’s friend.  _ **_Izaya_ ** _ of all people! I tried to point out that, even if he did care, in a weird messed up way, which I doubt he does, that wouldn’t mean Masaomi isn’t in danger, but he just kept brushing it off! I feel bad for letting him convince me, if I had just-  _ she rambled on and Anri stopped her, gently putting her hand on the dullahan’s. 

“It isn’t your fault Celty. We both let them win us over,’ she said, her words comforting Celty, then, eyebrows furrowing, “do you think Shinra knows something we don’t? Do you think Izaya manipulated him  _ too _ ?” Celty sighed and shook her head.

_ That’s the thing, Shinra isn’t the type to be manipulated,  _ she said, fiddling with her fingers in frustration.  _ You know, maybe he does know something we don’t. He had some sort of conversation with Izaya that made him make up his mind. All I know is he asked to be friends again and asked about Masaomi, which Izaya didn’t give a straight answer to.  _ She remembered how Izaya looked completely fine, yet the doctor wouldn’t tell her why he was in the hospital, nor would Masaomi. Whatever it was worried Shinra so much he bawled the informant out for leaving the hospital. She tapped the table in deep thought and the girl watched anxiously.

She suddenly stood, a new conviction overcoming her. She was done with feeling this constant fear and stress, she couldn’t let Masaomi be pushed into the arms of that  **demon** any longer, even if her partner insisted on it.  _ Anri, I think I’m done _ , she began and Anri blinked, not understanding her meaning.  _ We’ve been pushed around and manipulated Izaya and others enough. I think it’s time we ask our men, no,  _ **_demand_ ** _ , for answers.  _ Anri nodded sharply in agreement, expression becoming deadly serious.  _ Shinra is coming home late, so our best bet is to ask him tomorrow.  _ Anri quickly shook her head. 

“I don’t want to hold it off anymore. I’ll wait,” she insisted and Celty gave her a worried glance, though Anri couldn’t tell. 

_ Are you sure? _

“I’m sure,” she confirmed. So, she waited, right there, right at the table, despite Celty’s insistence she get some rest and just wait until tomorrow. At least she managed to get the girl to eat and drink throughout the day. Just as the girl was beginning to nod off, Shinra returned. It was one in the morning, she had waited all day without hesitation. Celty had worried for Anri, but she couldn’t help but admire her drive.

“I’m home!” Shinra called, prancing happily into the main room. “Oh Anri, it’s so good to see you! It’s been so long since you’ve visit-” he cut himself off, finally picking up on the tense mood in the room as both females stared at him. “D-did something happen?”

_ You should sit down,  _ Celty said, pulling out a chair for him and he swallowed, clearly sensing he was in trouble. “Okay,” he said, head down, sitting down without much complaint. Celty sat next to Anri, the women truly cornering him and he watched them both nervously. Anri was about to speak when suddenly her eyes flashed red dramatically and she quickly put her hand to her head, the quick motion causing her now empty mug to topple over. Celty immediately stood, putting her hand on the girl’s shoulder.

_ Anri, are you alright?  _ She asked, though she wasn’t sure if the girl could even read her phone.

“Saika she, she…” Anri said, barely above a whisper. “We’re…” Celty watched, baffled, unsure how to help. The girl looked up at the doctor across the way, eyes widening in realization, panicked breathing steadying and eyes slowly dulling. Celty turned to Shinra in questioning but he just adjusted his glasses and offered them a comforting wink. She came to her own conclusion, yet, now wasn’t the time for it. She shook it off. “Sorry, she...does that sometimes. I’m okay now,” Anri said.

_ Are you sure? We can do this another time.  _ Anri nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, besides, this is important,” she said and Celty hesitated.

_ Well, alright. _

Shinra smiled a little, probably glad Anri was alright as well. Celty knew he wasn’t a  _ bad person _ , but still, he had his  _ bad habits _ .

“So, my queen and her princess, what did you two want to talk to me about?” he said and Celty found herself blushing.

_ D-don’t try to butter us up! We’re tired of you and Mikado sneaking around behind our backs and we want answers! _

“Mikado?” he asked, baffled.

“You’ve both been acting odd lately. We think you and Mikado know more about Izaya and Masaomi than you’re letting on,” Anri explained.

_ That’s right, so fess up!  _ Shinra flinched back at their accusations. 

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m not working with Mikado if that’s what you’re implying. I really told you everything I know Celty, I promise,” he said.

_ That’s bullcrap and you know it! How are you so certain Izaya won’t hurt Masaomi? Why were you so eager to give him back? What the  _ **_Hell_ ** _ is wrong with Izaya? I can’t handle this anymore, if you’ve ever truly loved me just tell me!  _ Celty would have shouted and Anri watched Shinra closely. 

“Well, that’s just all very-” he began but Celty interrupted him.

_ I don’t care, I need to know! Masaomi is in danger, we’ve put him in danger!  _ She paused, hands trembling before typing out her next words,  _ tell me now or I’m leaving. _

“Celty!” Anri exclaimed in shock and Shinra’s eyes widened. He quickly grabbed Celty’s hands, as if to try to physically prevent her, squeezing tightly. If just a look or a touch could shatter someone’s heart, they would have destroyed Celty’s.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you everything! Just, please, don’t  _ leave _ ,” he said, sounding close to tears and Celty felt horrible for it, but she knew she had to do it.

The girls waited for him to compose himself before expecting him to speak. “You see, the thing with Izaya is he’s very sick, he has been for a long time now, actually. It’s not a physical sickness either, it’s psychological,” he began in a tired voice.

_ Wait, don’t tell me he’s  _ **_insane_ ** _? Did we leave Masaomi with an  _ **_insane_ ** _ person!?! _

“No, Celty,” he corrected her with a gentle sigh, “he’s what we’d call, well, depressed. That fight with Shizuo was a huge hit for him, both physically and mentally. It still affects him a lot.” Anri listened, falling silent, taking it all in. Celty knew she should feel empathy for him, but that night, he had tried to take her friend's life, so she couldn’t put all the blame on Shizuo either. She was torn.

_ Is he upset he lost?  _ She asked a bit bitingly.

“Well, that’s part of it, but it’s more serious than that,” Shinra explained, placing his hands together with a grim expression on his face.

_ So, was his hospital visit an  _ **_intervention,_ ** _ or did he have some sort of  _ **_breakdown_ ** _? _

“A  _ breakdown  _ is probably more accurate, though I think they kept him there because they were concerned about his weight. Izaya is under an incredible amount of stress, and honestly...I’m worried for him. I have been, all this time, actually. As I said to you before Celty, Izaya’s never really had anyone to open up to, so everything's just building up for him,” he said and Celty gave his hand a small squeeze. 

_ I hadn’t known, I’m sorry.  _ He smiled at her appreciatively.

“What does this have to do with Masaomi?” Anri asked, getting them back to the point. 

“Right, sorry. The thing is, the Izaya we see now isn’t anything like he used to be. He was locked away, he wouldn’t talk to anyone, except me on rare occasions, he was completely defeated. Then, suddenly, Masaomi comes into the picture and he becomes more active, expressive, he went to a New Year festival for crying out loud! I mean, I just mentioned his name on the phone and Izaya immediately lit up!” he said and Celty suddenly realized, she had never asked about the phone call. She thought it was just a simple business deal, she guessed she was wrong. “That was one incident, and, originally, I thought the same thing as you, Celty, but they just started to pile up and I couldn’t ignore them anymore. So, I guess, what I’m saying is, After seeing him depressed for a year and a half, then seeing him so happy with Masaomi, well, I couldn’t bear to take that away. It’s horrible of me, I’m sorry,” he said, bowing his head and Anri abruptly stood, gritting her teeth, eyes shining red in fury. 

_ Wow Anri, take it easy!  _ Celty told her but she didn’t seem to see her message, eyes too focused on her lover. 

“So, you’re telling me you sacrificed Masaomi just to appease him! Do you have any idea what you’ve done! Maybe Izaya is so happy because he has someone to mess with again! You’ve thrown him right in the middle of the fire and yet you’re so calm about it! How could you!” she screeched, her eyes so red Celty swore they reflected on Shinra’s glasses. He didn’t even flinch, no, instead he smiled softly at her.

“It’s okay Anri, that’s not what I’m doing here, I assure you. I would  _ never  _ let Izaya hurt Masaomi,  _ never _ . If it seemed dangerous, I wouldn’t have taken him back, you have my word! The thing is, I don't think that’s what’s going on here. I don’t see either of their feelings the way you two do,” he explained and the redness in Anri’s eyes faded.

“That’s right. Celty told me. You think Izaya cares about him. I don’t know how you came to that conclusion, it sounds crazy to me.” He thought for a moment.

“I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I’ve known Izaya for so long I can sort of just tell. But, him keeping someone in his personal space for this long, treating Masaomi the way he does...it holds significance,” he said and Celty could see the fire in her eyes sputtering out. 

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” she said, slowly sitting back down. “Still, I don’t believe it. Regardless of how he acts, I don’t believe anything he says.” Celty considered for a moment, unsure if she should interrupt.

_ I’m sorry Shinra but, considering everything I know about him, I have to agree.  _ He just laughed, not seeming very hurt. She had always liked that about him, she wished she could be as calm. She just couldn’t help it, when she thought a friend was in trouble and she could help, she  _ had  _ to.

“He might surprise you,” he said, though Celty doubted it. Any time she thought he had changed he always reverted back to his same old self. It was a helpless pursuit.

“What about Masaomi, what do you think he’s feeling?” Anri asked anxiously. 

“Hm, well, it would seem he has a physical attraction to him of sorts, but, on an emotional level...I think he sees Izaya as his friend. Izaya puts him at ease, at least,” he explained and Anri’s eyes furrowed in confusion at first, then concern. She stared down at her lap in thought.

“It feels like he’s always hated Izaya’s guts, but, I remember he told me and Mikado that there was a time when he saw him as a friend. It didn’t last long before Izaya betrayed him. If he were to do that again…” she said but the words slipped away as she gripped onto her skirt, so tightly that she was probably gripping onto the leggings underneath as well. Celty gently put her hand on Anri’s shoulder.

_ If that happens, we’ll be there. I won’t let Izaya off the hook this time,  _ Celty promised and Anri nodded in agreement.

“Wow, you two are a pretty scary team! Remind me not to get on your bad sides again,” he said then, after scratching his head, “I wish I could help put you more at ease but, that’s all the explanation I can really give. It’s not like it’s even worth getting stressed out over right now. I’m not sure if you know this Anri but, we’re not even sure where the two are right now. They both fled from the hospital and, when I called them to try to get the full story they were super vague then hung up on me,” he said and Anri’s eyes widened. 

_ Don’t worry! I caught up with Masaomi after and he seemed okay,  _ she said, despite that conversation not reassuring her at all. 

“They can’t be out of the city either, considering how quickly they relocated,” Shinra added in.

“That’s good but still, who knows what’s going on between them now,” Anri said darkly. Shinra rubbed his chin, looking for a solution.

“Oh! You know, the only reason I was hung up on was because I asked him to put Izaya on the phone. Pretty dumb, right? If you call Masaomi I’m sure he'll answer and you guys can talk it out! You’re one of his best friends after all, right?” No reason for you to be in the dark,” he proposed and Anri carefully took her phone out. Celty could see it was now two am. 

“Masaomi isn’t always that open but I can tr-” she said, stopping suddenly.

_ Anri? What’s wrong? Is Saika acting up again?  _ Celty asked and she shook her head.

“No, Masaomi emailed me,” she said, quickly opening it, both her and Celty worrying it was a cry for help. She read it out loud, “I heard about what happened between you and Mikado. I’m so sorry, I feel like it’s my fault. We should talk soon. I’m wishing you the best and, again, I’m sorry...This was sent at midnight, I should see if he’s awake!” She speedily typed up a response and sent it. Both Celty and Shinra leaned towards her phone, all three of them waiting expectantly. However, when there was no response for a considerable amount of time, they gave up.

“I don’t think that’s the type of email he’d take a long time to respond to, he must be asleep,” she said and Celty nodded.

_ You can call him in the morning. For now, I think we should all settle down and rest. Anri, you can stay in my old room. _

“Thank you so much! I’m sorry to intrude,” she said then, remembering and turning to Shinra, “I’m so sorry I yelled at you!”

“No worries! You were just looking out for Masaomi, right? If anything, I’m glad to see he has such good friends,” he said, but Celty could detect a hint of hurt in his voice.

_ I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean what I said. I’d never leave you, I was just-  _ Celty began but Shinra walked over, taking her hand in his and kneeling down.

“You have nothing to worry about Celty! You could punch me and beat me up, you could even say you hated me and I’d still love you!” he assured her then pulled her into a hug. “Although, what you said really scared me. Never say that again, I don’t think my heart can take it.” 

_ I won’t, I promise,  _ she said before hugging him back. 

Anri watched them for a while with a smile, then focused back on her phone, sending another email before shutting it off. After that, they both went their separate ways and went to sleep. It was quiet, peaceful even, Celty curled up under the covers with the man she loved, as per usual, yet she couldn’t help but shake the feeling that everything was  _ breaking _ .


	6. The Immovable Coal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking place during chapter 20, Namie reflects on her current situation and, as things go haywire, finds herself counseling a troubled Masaomi.

"No. If anything I find you fascinating! A human losing their humanity, I never realized it could happen in such a manner!" a voice exclaimed from outside the door, which Namie was left staring at. She checked the clock next to her bed. It was around one am and her employer was losing his mind again. She let out an inaudible sigh. What was she doing here? She wasn’t quite sure herself. When that kid had told her Seiji was in Chicago, she made up her mind right away to go there and find him. She played through all the things she’d say in her head, both to Seiji and to that  _ Mika Harima _ . She wasn’t going to tell Izaya, no, as she said before, that man hardly understood love. He’d feed on her doubts and convince her to stay, she didn’t need that right now. After all, when everything was said and done she  _ had  _ stayed. She had never hesitated before when it came to her brother, she was honestly disappointed in herself. Was she scared of rejection perhaps, or the brother she would find if he had somehow stolen the head? She’d have to face it eventually, even if it ended the same as always. She had no love or loyalty for Izaya, in fact, the only thing here she liked was that Mason or whoever. So, when Izaya called her that extremely early morning and told her they were moving to one of the safe houses, she isn’t sure why she didn’t just hang up and go back to bed. She didn’t need his protection anymore really and still.

She listened for a while, fishing for a resolution. Izaya’s insistent rambling went on for quite a long time, as it always did. She was so used to it, it was easy to drone out, but she was concerned for the kid. It seemed like he listened to everything Izaya said without a second thought.

“Listen, this whole human and non-human thing is stressing me out. Can we change the subject?” she heard him ask, voice shaky, but still oddly calm considering the circumstances. She didn’t fully understand him. She took him as sensitive, timid, and the type of person Izaya could easily give a heart attack. Yet, he had stayed as well. When she came to the safe house, she hadn’t expected to be greeted by Izaya carrying the boy. She thought he had drugged or kidnapped him, up until he quickly informed her he had passed out and needed to be attended to  _ immediately _ . When she asked the boy why he had stayed, he hadn’t given her a compelling answer. She knew he must have friends to flee too, he had that  _ thing  _ that brought him to Izaya at least, and yet he hadn’t fled to them. In fact, despite everything he barely even cried, at least not in front of her. She supposed what they said is true, maybe love truly does make you blind. They were similar in that regard. The boy was definitely naive in general, but she wasn’t really terrified for his safety, considering…

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to unnecessarily burden you. After all, inhuman or not, you’re still wounded,” Izaya said and that was that. She smiled at the dark ceiling, musing to herself about how  _ bad  _ Izaya had it. It served the asshole right, constantly making fun of her own romantic conundrum and trying to play with her feelings. It was making him twitch more than she was used to and she couldn’t stop internally laughing about it. Love was the emotion he teased, used, and condemned the most, and here it was biting him in the butt. Good for him. She expected him to put the kid through nothing less but Hell, yet that was the only kind of love she was familiar with and she was sure the boy knew relatively what he was getting into. It was quiet for a long time and, knowing that probably wouldn’t last until they’d gone to bed, she checked through her emails and texts on her personal phone. She had that and a phone from Izaya, a business phone technically, but only he ever called her. Despite the nature of things, he tried to treat it as a normal job. Sometimes she wished he’d just drop the pretenses already. Unsurprisingly her emails and texts to Seiji were left unanswered. The only thing she could do was send more. She still wasn't sure why she hadn’t rushed over there by now, she was worried sick, after all.

When it was two am, she heard their chattering outside the doors again then, sudden silence. She wondered if the show was over. She stood up slowly, making sure to prevent the squeaking of the floorboards as she shuffled to the door, opening it slightly and peering out. She remembers Izaya was there, just standing in front of the boy’s door. The boy in question was in his arms, cuddled into his chest, she was surprised he let him do that, fast asleep, and Izaya stared at him. He was smiling down at him, a private sort of smile, one you only let show when there’s no one around to think you a fool. She could tell he didn’t want to put him down and it made her smirk. Never in a million years did she ever think she’d see him so smitten. The boy shifted, hiding his face more in his chest and Izaya frowned, startled. He glared at him as if he was some sort of alien. Masaomi, not human? How meaningless. He really didn’t understand love  _ at all _ , she decided. She closed the door and, now that they were done, went back to bed. She assumed they could both take it from there, no reason for her to get involved and she didn’t want to feel dead in the morning. In that instance, it turns out she made the right call, considering she woke up before Izaya and a cup of coffee was enough to get her through the day. 

She recalled when he woke up. She was sitting on the couch, thumbing through a binder. He looked absolutely dreadful. His hair was springing up in multiple places, his clothes were quickly slipped on, and there were massive bags under his eyes. She couldn’t contain a snort.

“What on Earth happened to you? You look as if you fought a boar,” she said, still chortling away. 

“I was up late attending to  _ something _ important and couldn’t fall back asleep,” he explained, going over to the kitchen to make coffee.

“So he’s a  _ something  _ now?” she teased, causing him to be taken aback. He looked over to her, narrowing his eyes.

“Namie, were you eavesdropping in on my conversation with Masaomi?” he asked suspiciously. She was unaffected, continuing to read the page.

“Not really, I just happened to overhear some of it. You were being ridiculously loud, after all,” she lied.

“Oh, and what did you hear?”

“I heard about his leg. I hope he’s feeling better,” she lied easily. She never had any issues lying to him, or anyone for that matter. Some people just didn’t deserve the truth. He considered her words for a moment, eventually deciding to let it go.

“Yes, well, we iced it down, so it should be fine,” he said, taking his coffee and going over to his desk.

They both suspected the boy would take a long time to wake, and, similar to yesterday, he didn’t show up. 

“Are you disappointed?” she had asked Izaya around afternoon.

“No. I’d prefer if he didn’t see me like this,” he replied in an amused but tired voice. He hadn’t even denied there was reason for him to be disappointed, but he  _ was  _ exhausted. Only a couple of minutes after he stood. “I'm going to try to take a nap. Don’t cause too much trouble while I’m gone.”

“Yes, because I have so many chaotic avenues to explore here. I’ll try not to be too loud. Have a good rest,” she joked and he smiled a little.

“I’m hardly worried about you,” he muttered before wandering off. She had no idea what he was referring to. 

She expected them both to be strange that morning. Perhaps there’d be some tension or awkwardness between them. That wouldn’t bother her, she wasn’t an overly empathetic person and she never feared Izaya’s “wrath”. What she didn’t expect was to find a note on Izaya’s chair informing her the coward had finally decided to leave the house. Idiot, she thought, that wouldn’t fix his problem but oh well. It was probably for the best he gave the boy some space. However, what was even more unexpected was the conversation she had with said kid. She had entered his bedroom to give him breakfast. He hadn’t been eating very much and she decided to take initiative. Letting Izaya eat away at your mind was bad enough, let alone your body. It sounded as if he was finishing a phone call before she was allowed into the dark room. The first thing she did was turn on the light before setting the tray down on his bedside table. How long had he been sitting in the dark? She imagined it wasn’t good for eye strain. 

Thanks so much!” he began politely, offering her a grin and she cracked a small smile. His grins always made her want to laugh. He looked like a girl scout cheerfully asking if she wanted a box of disgustingly sweet cookies. 

“Can I look at your leg? I may not be a doctor but, I know enough to be able to tell if Izaya’s assessment was correct,” she offered as she sat on the side of the bed. She knew how much of a dingus Izaya was. If Masaomi had a serious problem, he wouldn’t be able to tell. Actually, even if he could, he might wave it off as if it was nothing. It was a miracle he still had all of his limbs. 

“S-sure,” the boy said nervously. She wasn’t sure why, though she suspected he was just shy. He pulled down his covers to expose his casted leg and she went to work. She didn’t have any trouble with the cast’s tricky latches. She was used to taking them on and off and did so with ease. As she inspected his name, the conversation started.

“Namie, can I ask you something?” he said suddenly and, knowing he was curious by nature, she didn’t think much of it.

“Hm?” she hummed, easily keeping her concentration.

“Um, it’s sort of awkward,” he warned. Namie was a woman who never feared the taboo or the strange, so an “awkward” conversation was one she was always ready to have. After gaining his courage, he eventually continued, “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about affection. You seem to know a lot so, I was sort of wondering...what’s the difference between love and lust?” If she was honest, the question did surprise her a little, yet in the end, she was happy he had asked. She wasn’t the type to meddle, she knew better than that. Plenty of people could or prefered to handle things on their own, she was one of them, while, in other circumstances, getting involved only made things worse, especially when it came to matters of love. Still, she was tired of watching those two trip over each other and Izaya wouldn’t listen, but she was certain the boy would. He was asking for advice, after all. At least someone understood she had some authority on the subject matter.

“When you’re in love with someone, or emotionally attracted to them, you enjoy their personality. Meanwhile, if you’re sexually attracted to someone, you appreciate certain physical attributes of theirs,” she said, trying to sound professional about it, knowing how bashful he was.

“O-oh. Is there a difference between sexual attraction and physical attraction?” he asked, looking away in embarrassment despite the fact she wasn’t paying much attention to him. She wondered if he found Izaya pretty. She found him pretty too, just remove the r. 

“It depends on how you define them. If by physical attraction you mean you like certain aspects of their appearance, but don’t want to sleep with them, I would say so.”

“So then, is physical attraction sort of...the in between of love and lust?” he asked and, for once, she was startled. She finally looked up, staring at him wide-eyed, before bursting out laughing. She was starting to see the problem. What sort of whacked-out scale was in his head? She couldn’t understand it. His face turned completely red in embarrassment and he chewed on his lip. She imagined he did this a lot, they were horribly chapped.

“You can feel both, you know,” she informed him and he blinked, freed from whatever cage he had built for himself.   
“Really?” he had to confirm and she forced back another laugh.

“Of course! Attraction isn’t a perfect scale! You can love someone and  _ also  _ be physically or sexually attracted to them, that doesn’t make that love any less valuable,” she said, then, highly amused, “Why did you think married couples sleep with each other?”

“I-I don’t know, I never really thought about it. I guess, it just all fell under love for me.” He was so blissfully unaware of it, yet he and Izaya painted him as lustful. Those two were a wreck.

“Oh, you were trying to put it all under only  _ two categories? _ ” she checked and he nodded skittishly. “Now I understand why you were so confused. Do you feel better now, or worse?” Knowing him, she had to make sure he didn’t run head first into any conclusions.

“Well, it’s a little overwhelming. It’s like...I didn’t know where I fell before and now there’s just more options,” he explained. It was only scary for the boy because he was generalizing everything.

“You shouldn’t find more options intimidating, it just means your result will be more accurate. We’re talking about that scumbag, right?” she said and the boy laughed at her phrasing.

“Yeah, that sounds right,” he joked back and she smiled. She was glad to see he wasn’t as gloomy as before.

“Are you questioning how you feel about him?” He looked down, his bangs falling into his face. He had oddly long bangs for a male, though she thought it suited him.

“I thought I knew how I felt, but, recently, I’ve been bouncing around ideas and I’m not really sure what one’s right,” he explained.

“What were your ideas?” she asked him, expecting to hear something absurd. 

“At first I thought it was just love, then Stockholm syndrome, then lust, then some sort of physical attraction, and now, I have no idea.” She chuckled again, trying to follow the logic, though she saw none. Not that she judged him, it wasn’t his fault that love was a foreign concept to him.

“How did it get so distorted?” she wondered out loud.

“Well...I’m not sure. I originally went with love because I hadn’t really considered anything else, and, when I was trying to figure it out, people kept making suggestions. They all sounded right so…” he said and she raised an eyebrow. Oh yes, love’s common enemy, outsiders. She absolutely despised the “acceptable” way to react to such feelings when the other party was unexpected. Wallow in them and beat yourself up until they’re gone. That’s not how love worked and the person was only worse for it. However, in this case, the other party was a narcissistic that only contributed to the problem.

“Let me guess, one of those people were Izaya?” she waged and he slowly nodded. She sighed and stood, her irritation overcoming. She crossed her arms, preparing for a lecture. 

“Look, he isn’t going to tell you so I  _ will. _ He parades around as if he’s some sort of genius, but, in reality, he’s an idiot that knows just as much about this as you do. It’s the same with most things. He only fools people into thinking he’s smart by either lying or confidently asserting something provably false over and over until people just start to believe him,” she said, using her hands as she talked to prove her point. If the boy really did plan to go into the deep end, he might as well know what he’s facing.

“I’m not sure about that. I mean, I hardly understand myself, so he probably knows me better than I do. Oh, but, in this case, I know he’s wrong. Hough, he seems to genuinely think it’s true,” he said. Perhaps he was sharper than she thought. It relieved her.

“So, you can admit that he’s not always right?” Good, he’ll completely mess up your head otherwise.” Realizing that, underneath the surface, he was a complete idiot is the one reason she could stand Izaya. He couldn’t get to her fully, regardless of her exposure to him. He looked down in shame and she suspected he was thinking of his conversation with the jerk last night. Oh she wished he was here so he could tell him off. “Whatever he said to you, just forget about it. Does that make things clearer?” To her surprise, he shook his head.

“Not really. Even without his theories, there’s still plenty of questions and things people pointed out that I don’t have answers for,” he said. She forced back an eye roll. As if any of that mattered.

“Well then, the solution is quite simple really.  _ Throw out _ anything anyone ever told you about it. Stop working with theories and assumptions that don’t make sense anymore. Start from scratch,” she said, shooing him to “go on''. As a researcher, that’s what she always did when things became too convoluted. Why use evidence until it burns up when that hasn’t brought her anything?

He concentrated, devoting himself to the task and she gave him a moment. “Have you done it?” she asked after a while.

“I-I think so,” he said, unsure, yet that was fine. She’d guide him along the way.

“Good. Now, with all of that out of the way, without any subtext, how do you feel about Izaya? Describe it for me,” she said and, unsurprisingly, he immediately froze up. When he didn’t respond, she flicked the bangs out of his face to knock some sense into him. “You’re overthinking it. Don’t try to clean it up, just let it out.”

“But, Namie, it doesn’t make any sense. You’re going to think I’m insane,” he said worriedly.

“That’s fine. We’re starting from scratch, remember? It doesn’t need to make sense right away, you just have to get all your ideas out there. Go ahead, I won’t make fun of you,” she promised. She understood that fear far too well. He gave her a look, mentally preparing himself than taking a breath and continuing.

She listened intently as he rambled on. She kept her expression neutral as not to influence him until she couldn’t help but smile at his clear adoration. As he spoke so highly of Izaya, how could he not see he was in love? How could someone be so blind to their own emotions? In a way, she envied him. She was constantly trapped with her emotions and the ability to read others. It was..frustrating, to say the least, though it had its benefits. Either way, even if she disagreed, she couldn’t help but enjoy the love of others, especially when it was unexpected or deemed as wrong by others. It helped her feel less alone. Things were going normally, then, suddenly the boy stopped, his eyes widening and face paling him. His eyes lit up, as if he had some realization and she had to hold back a sigh of relief. She expected him to be happy yet, he looked as if he remembered something absolutely  _ soul-crushing. _

“Has it sunk in?” she asked with a gentle smile, trying not to alarm him.

“I-I-” he said, falling silent. She frowned.

“Is it  _ really  _ that surprising?” she wondered. He didn’t seem to quite hear her, caught up in his own thoughts.

“It can’t be, or, I’m confused. I mean, none of that fits Izaya at all, right?” he asked, looking at her desperately. Not only did he allow Izaya in his head, but the whole world.

“Why not, why can’t it?” she pointed out and he blinked.

_ “What?” _

“I personally wouldn’t describe Izaya the way you did, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Why isn’t it possible that he just treats you differently, or that you see a side of him no one else does?” she argued and he stared down at his lap.

“He’s only treating me differently because he finds me interesting, or something, he’s done it before,” he said. If only she could tell him what she knew. The way Izaya looked when she knew he was thinking of him, the small things he did in the background to care for him, all of it. Yet, there was a point where she wouldn’t meddle, a boundary, one would say. She would spell it all out for him. He would have to face his demons, or, more accurately, demon, on his own. She couldn’t wait to see the day he grew the courage to tell Izaya he was wrong, to slap him in the face for everything he had put him through, and reclaim a sense of self. Still, she didn’t want him to be upset and, hoping he would catch onto the body language, calmly put the ice bags on his leg, worrying the ice would melt soon. There was nothing to be afraid of.

“Oh, so he’s made it a habit, then?” she teased with a smirk, then, “he called you his friend, didn’t he? He doesn’t usually do that, at least not to anyone directly. If you ask me, he  _ clearly  _ cares about you in  _ some  _ way.” That was the only clue she could give him, she hoped he took it to heart and remembered it the next time he and that bully talked.

“You think so?” he asked, eyes brightening and she nodded. “B-but “B-but even if that were the case, it doesn’t make sense for me to feel that way about...someone like him. It’s just,  _ wrong _ , and if I did, even after everything he’s done and will probably do, doesn't that mean I’m a  _ bad person? _ ” Something was wrong with the kid’s head. That’s the only explanation she could think of for him to speak of himself in such a negative light.

“You just explained to me why you liked him, it makes sense to me, and anyway, what does the way he treats others have to do with  _ you _ ?” she said, her words completely baffling him. “Love isn’t about anyone else but you and them. If you ask me, everyone else is irrelevant.” Perhaps her words were cold, yet she believed it to be the simple truth. Everyone was selfish, inserting themselves in the romance of others and expecting to be treated as if they were important. That attitude always made her scoff. Their time would be better spent on their own love lives.

“Well, because they mean the world to me, and I don’t want them to ever get  **_hurt_ ** ,” he said and she couldn’t help but wonder which party he thought would do the hurting, “Even without them, it’s still a part of his personality and he’s done things to me too. Yet…”

“Yet, you can’t help but see the best in him,” she said, finishing it for him. She gave him a soft look and he stared at her. She hadn’t done much, she only spoke from experience. Seiji had nearly killed a girl and it never bothered her. Many people would paint her as twisted for that. He never saw her efforts and still, she kept helping him, kept loving him. It was irrational, but as was love in her mind. “It’s up to you to decide how you’re feeling. I won’t force a classification on you. However, in my opinion, that sounds like  _ love _ .” He hid behind his bangs. The shame was so intense in him and that’s where they drastically differed. 

“ _ How?  _ How did I go from absolutely  _ hating  _ him to... _ this? _ ” he asked, mostly to himself and still, she considered this question. It was a fair question, though she rarely asked such things of her own love. 

“I’m sure something happened between you two that made you change your mind. Do you remember?” she suggested. He thought it over long and hard, then shook his head.

“I don’t even know what could change my mind that dramatically…” he admitted. He didn’t even trust his own experiences, did he? Was he always like that or was it due to something Izaya did? The kid needed to drain his words out of his head and drain them fast.

“I doubt it happened dramatically, it must have changed gradually over time,” she argued then, heading to the bedside table, “It’ll come back to you, don’t push yourself.” With that, it ended. She wished he would just relax, stop fighting a war that didn’t exist. She didn’t know how to help him in this regard and she gave him all the advice she could. She had done her part. She gave him his food and left, despite a part of her truthfully wanting to stay.

As she turned that doorknob, she wanted to turn around and tell the kid that he wasn’t a bad person. At least, not to her. All her life she had been told she was wicked, cold-blooded, and a  **monster** for her love, for trying to protect Seiji and damning the consequences. The boy never said such things. He didn’t seem to judge or belittle her, at least not out loud. Actually, he even helped her and would probably do it again if prompted to, she was certain. The only other people that helped her in this regard had been her employees, and that hardly counted since all of them were relying on a paycheck. She found it strange he could talk to her so openly, treat her so kindly, yet criticize himself for loving Izaya and seeing his better parts. She wondered if he even realized how compassionate he was, and that it made him the opposite of a bad person. Yet, to put it into words she’d have to explain how much it meant to her and she wasn’t the readily vulnerable type, so she remained silent. She might not ever say it outloud, but, if anyone were to call him a  **monster** ,  _ including  _ Izaya, she’d speak up in his defense. She hoped he forgot all that human and non-human nonsense, after all, it was just an overly complicated metaphor told by a childish jester.

**Author's Note:**

> [AU Tumblr](https://talesofaweatheredcity.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Chapter Announcements](https://fanschaotictrash.tumblr.com/post/640995642140999680/burning-yellow-with-black-smoke-chapter-1)   
>  [My Fandom Tumblr](https://fanschaotictrash.tumblr.com/)


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